I first read this book, His Needs, Her Needs, by Willlard Harley, when my husband and I were taking a pre-married class at church.  Having already lived through a divorce that involved an affair, I wanted to learn everything that I could to do my part in keeping that from happening again.  While reading it, I wished that I would have read it a long time ago.  There are so many things different about the way men and women think and what they need from their spouses.

In His Needs, Her Needs, Willard Harley covers the top 5 needs of women and the top 5 needs of men that he has discovered throughout his many years of research and counseling.  The list can be a little hard to swallow when you realize you may not be meeting the needs of your spouse and you may have a lot of work to do.

When I picked up this book to write this and began flipping pages, I realized I needed to re-read it.  I also realized that I haven’t picked this book up since I first read it over 10 years ago and I really haven’t been making my spouse’s needs a primary focus.  When you have an area to focus on, you can choose to be more intentional.  I want to be the one that meets these needs for my husband and I don’t ever want him to feel like I can’t meet his needs and for him to feel justified that it’s okay for him to have his needs fulfilled elsewhere.

Willard Harley states that “man’s five most basic needs in marriage tend to be:

1. Sexual fulfillment
2. Recreational companionship
3. An attractive spouse
4. Domestic support
5. Admiration

The woman’s five most basic needs in marriage tend to be:

1. Affection
2. Conversation
3. Honesty and openness
4. Financial support
5. Family commitment “.

In His Needs, Her Needs, Harley has written a chapter on each of these ten needs so that we can understand them better.  The order of the needs is different for all of us.  Some men may have an attractive spouse as their #1 need, while others may have admiration as their #1 need.  It is helpful for you to communicate with your spouse to find out what order they would place their five  needs in and let them know what order you would put your five needs in.  Once we know the number one need, we can analyze how we are doing with that need and if we need to improve.  If we are perfect with number one, we can spend time on number 2.  If you are perfect with number one and number 2, I am very impressed.

There is a lot of great information in this book and I honestly believe that every married couple should read this book and apply it to their married relationship.  As I was reading it, it seemed like almost every paragraph was quotable information.

For more information from Dr. Harley, go to www.marriagebuilders.com.

Buy His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage now!
            

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